Strawberry Cinammon French Toast. You're welcome, part 6

Cooking is serious business in the Davidson kitchen. It usually involves a business-like meeting to discuss the menu, a game of rock, paper, scissors to decide who has to go to the store, alcohol and the precision of a drunken sailor. Many of our attempts at cooking deserve the Darwin Award, and I promise to start showcasing some of our recipe flops on the blog. There are plenty to choose from. Like the time I made strawberry cheesecake for a work pitch-in. My roommate tested a piece of leftover strawberry, and gently reminded me not to use the same cutting board onions were cut on the day prior.

Last night, John and I were making pecan tassies (I swear he's straight), and both managed to completely screw up the recipe, even though the cook book was right in front of us. I threw a stick of butter in, and later noticed it called for one pad of butter. As John mocked me, he almost threw in a teaspoon of almond extract instead of vanilla. I also drooled on myself while preparing the crusts. Full-on drooled all over my shirt. I have no explanation for this.

That being said, french toast is pretty fool proof. Here is the recipe. Hold the drool.

• 3 eggs
• 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
• 2 teaspoons orange liqueur, optional if you prefer bland french toast
• 3 tablespoons cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
  
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 8 thick slices bread - I recommend sliced french bread
  
• Whipped topping
• Powdered sugar
  

In a shallow bowl, whisk together eggs, milk, liqueur, cinnamon, nutmeg and sugar. Coat each slice of bread on both sides with egg mixture. Place coated bread slices on hot buttered skillet. Cook until golden brown on both sides.

To serve, place 1 piece of French toast on plate. I use a small sifter and tap powdered sugar onto the french toast slices. Top with strawberries and whipped topping. Add another slice of French toast and repeat.

Enjoy.

Garlic Mashed Potatoes. You're Welcome, part 5

Everyone likes mashed potatoes. This is a modified version of Alton Brown's recipe. Some people swear by a manual hand masher, but I can think of better ways to waste my time than using an obsolete kitchen gadget that cramps my hand up. Use beaters, people.

• 1 lb yukon gold potatoes
• 1/2 cup half-and-half, because skim milk is useless
  
• 3 tablespoons butter
  
• 3 cloves garlic, crushed
• 2 tablespoons kosher salt
• 3 ounces grated Parmesan
• a handful of sliced green onion
  

Peel and dice potatoes, making sure all are relatively the same size. Place in a large saucepan and cover with water. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat and then reduce heat to maintain a rolling boil. Cook until potatoes fall apart when poked with a fork.

Heat the half-and-half and the garlic in a medium saucepan over medium heat until simmering. Remove from heat and set aside.

Remove the potatoes from the heat and drain off the water. Mash and add the garlic-cream mixture, butter, salt, and Parmesan; stir to combine. Let stand for 5 minutes so that mixture thickens and then serve.

Apple Oatmeal Waffles. You're welcome, part 5.

I'm not a fan of waking up before 10 a.m. This much I know. I was born a sleeper, and not much has changed in the past 28 years, so I don't anticipate anything too groundbreaking to occur in the next 28. Don't get me wrong - I like a regimented schedule. I have my morning commute down to a science - it takes approximately 11 minutes to get to my office by 8:30. Which means I get my ass out of bed at 8:05. It provides just enough time to hit the bathroom, brush my teeth, tame the hair beast, throw on something black with a scarf, grumble noises that almost resemble words to John and stumble out the door. I also prefer not to talk much during these precious hours. Hell, I usually still have an imprint of my bed sheets on my face. Can't you tell I don't want to chat?

But, this recipe ... this one ... is worth waking up for.

I made these waffles over March Madness weekend. It was included in our waffle maker instruction book, if you can believe it.

2 cups pancake mix
1/4 cup quick oats
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 and 1/4 cups milk (I add buttermilk to make it fierce)
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
3/4 cup of finely chopped apple - I use granny smith for tartness

Put all the dry ingredients in one bowl. Mix all the wet ingredients (including the apples) in another bowl. Then add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and mix until combined. Shouldn't take more than a few seconds.

Let the waffle batter sit for 4 minutes while the iron is warming up. It will thicken up a bit.

I'm sure every waffle iron is different, but mine takes 3:30 to 4 minutes to cook. Spray the iron with non-stick spray, pour in the batter, spread it evenly over the iron and close the lid.

I usually sift some powdered sugar on the finished product, cut up a few apples to make it look fancy and stuff my face. There you have it. A delicious waffle.

Enjoy.

Lemon Tassies. You're welcome, part 4.

The name is rather filthy, I admit. Just saying the word, 'tassy' makes me want to draw fancy cats with a quill pen and pour myself a spot of tea with crumpets and marmalade. But, it's a Martha Stewart recipe. Would you expect any less from that prim beotch?

I have this thing about recipe books. I hate making the lone recipe that does not have a photo accompanying it. It makes me wonder if the end result will be some sort of vegetarian flemwad that came from the back of Ed McMahon's throat - much too risky to photograph for a pretty recipe book. But I took a chance on this gay little dessert. Martha says these are an ideal dinner-party dessert, but I think they are an ideal dessert for when your ass is wedged in between the fridge doors and your fat face is looking to be fed. That means, anytime desserts in my book.

They tasted like mini lemon cheesecakes. Very tart and rich with a buttery crust. They disappeared in about 12 hours - apparently someone thought they were lemon tassy cornflakes and ate them like a bowl of cereal in the morning. That's probably a good sign, so you should make this recipe.

Enjoy.

• FOR THE CRUSTS:
• 5 tablespoons cold unsalted butter, cut into chunks, plus more for pans
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 1 large egg yolk
• 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
• Pinch of salt
• FOR THE FILLING:
• 8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 1 large egg
• 3 tablespoons finely grated lemon zest
• 1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Directions

1. For candied lemon zest: Remove zest from lemons with a vegetable peeler, keeping pieces long. Remove white pith using a paring knife, and finely julienne using a very sharp knife. Place julienned zest in a small bowl; cover with boiling water. Let stand for 30 minutes; drain.
2. Bring 1 cup sugar and the cool water to a boil in a small saucepan over medium-high heat. When sugar is completely dissolved, add julienned zest, reduce heat to medium-low, and cook for 10 minutes. Remove from heat, cover, and let stand overnight. Remove zest, and drain on wire rack. Roll in sugar. Dry on wire rack. Store zest in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks.
3. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees with rack in upper third. Lightly butter a 24-cup mini-muffin pan; set aside. In a food processor fitted with a steel blade, combine the flour and butter. Pulse until mixture is the consistency of fine crumbs. Add the sugar, egg yolk, vanilla, lemon zest, and salt. Process until evenly incorporated and smooth; do not overprocess.
4. Divide the dough into quarters. Divide each quarter into 6 pieces. Shape into balls. Place each ball in a muffin cup; press down in the centers so that the dough fits the cups snugly. Set muffin pan on a baking sheet.
5. Bake until lightly browned all over and slightly darker at the edges, 15 to 20 minutes. Transfer baking sheet with muffin pan to a wire rack to cool.
6. Make the filling: In an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat cream cheese, sugar, egg, lemon zest, lemon juice, and vanilla until completely smooth. Using a 1/4-ounce ice cream scoop, fill the cooled crusts. Bake until filling is set and just beginning to color at the edges, 10 to 12 minutes. Transfer muffin pan to a wire rack. Garnish with candied lemon peel. Let cool completely before serving. The tassies may be stored in an airtight container, refrigerated, for up to 3 days.

I can't compete with your mom's meatloaf, dude.

Twas a glorious weekend. The sun is finally out, we were able to enjoy the nice weather and our friends Ben and Jeff were in town this weekend for a little March Madness action. We spent the majority of our time drinking beer and watching our sad, little brackets fail us. I have no financial or emotional investment in the games this year, so I would pop in and out of the room while cooking in the kitchen and entertaining myself while the guys consumed, cat-napped and threw their fists at the television screen. Although it wasn't much of a productive weekend as far as the social calendar goes, I did a fair amount of cooking and baking.

So, Jeff is allergic peppers. It took almost a year to remember this fact, considering almost everything John and I make has onions and green peppers in it. I let him decide what sounded good this weekend, and as any good midwestern boy would answer, he said, 'My mom's meatloaf and lasagna.' I've found that people are very partial to the way their mommies prepare meatloaf. You're either on the ketchup team or the hearty, brown gravy team when it comes to beef loaves. And, there is always the secret ingredient of your Freudian love for your mother that isn't included in my recipe. No matter how much TLC goes into shaping that loaf of meaty goodness, it will never be as good as the one made by the woman who folded your underwear when you were a kid. It will always be better than mine, because I didn't give birth to you.

That being said, I went with lasagna. It's a crowd pleaser, no matter what and you can skip the peppers and substitute with more garlic. It also has enough cheese to clog the digestive track of a small horse - everybody wins. I was a little self conscious about making such a basic recipe, but that's the beauty of Italian cooking. Keep it simple, stupid.

No pictures for this one. Close your eyes and imagine Josh Brolin dipped in sauce and covered in fresh mozzarella. That's how delish it was.

One for me ... one for you

There it goes down. Down into my belly.

Gary, waiting for his glass of wine.



Vegetables in pot for Broccoli soup.

Coffee, Mr. Draper?

So, I'm a total loser tonight. I have evaded two invitations to go out, one doorbell and several text messages to stay at home, watch St. Elmo's Fire and cook for myself. Captain's log: I still think a fantastic costume for Halloween 2009 would be a jobless, womanizing, saxophone-toting, mulletified Billy Hicks. But, I digress.

I like this soup, particularly tonight because it's just me and Gary on a Friday night, and this recipe calls for alcohol (hence the title). So, save a cup of wine for the recipe and the rest can be consumed for medicinal purposes. I drink mine while cooking and watching the first season of Mad Men. So choice.

	1 tablespoon butter
	1 tablespoon oil (olive or cooking oil is fine)
	1 head broccoli, florets divided
	¼ red onion, finely chopped (I didn't have a red one, sue me)
	¼ vidalia (sweet) onion, roughly chopped
	2 sticks celery, finely chopped
	2 carrots, peeled, finely chopped or grated
	1 garlic clove, minced
	2 tablespoons freshly chopped parsley
	6 tablespoons flour
	3 cups low-sodium chicken broth
	1 cup white wine or champagne
	Salt and Pepper to taste
	1 teaspoon dried thyme
	1 cup regular cream (WAAAY too much cream, Only 1/4 cup)

1. Melt butter with oil in large, heavy saucepan over medium heat. Add broccoli, onion, celery, carrots, garlic, and parsley. Cover; cook until onion and broccoli are tender, stirring occasionally, about 10 minutes.

2. Add flour and stir until cooked and then add the chicken broth and wine. Cover and simmer vegetables 40 minutes.

3. Season with salt and pepper and thyme. When ready to serve, add cream and cook through - about 5 minutes. As I said in the ingredients list, use a cup of cream if you were the creepy kid who used to drink vitamin D milk at dinner. Otherwise, 1/4 will suffice.

Soup tastes better in a mug, so ladle it in and suck it down. I also feel more like an adult when I actually utilize my coffee mugs. Coffee tastes like poo, even in my adult age, so soup is the only thing that fills them.

I got this broccoli soup recipe from my favorite cooking blog, The Domestic Goddess. None of my recipes are original, in fact. Just the clever commentary that is peppered into the instructions.

http://www.domesticgoddess.ca

klang's chicken enchiladas. you're welcome, part III.

John has this giant Better Homes & Gardens cookbook that his mom gave him. We use it all the time, even though our home is messy and our garden consists of way too many damn tomato plants and Garrison turds.

This is supposedly an enchilada, but it seems more like a burrito to me. All those post-bar La Bambas burritos are what I'm basing this comment on. I did research, you see. Anyway, Mexican food is delicious, so I've taken some photos to document my special feelings for it.

1/4 cup slivered almonds
1/4 cup chopped onion
2 tablespoons butter or margarine
1 4-ounce can diced green chile peppers, drained
1 3-ounce package cream cheese, softened
1 tablespoon milk
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
2 cups chopped cooked chicken or turkey (don't use turkey, ass clown)
12 7-inch flour tortillas or 6-inch corn tortillas
1 10.75-ounce can reduced-fat condensed cream of chicken or cream of mushroom soup
1 8-ounce carton light dairy sour cream
1 cup milk
3/4 cup shredded Monterey Jack or cheddar cheese (3 ounces)
2 tablespoons slivered almonds

1. In a medium skillet cook the 1/4 cup almonds and the onion in hot butter over medium heat until onion is tender and nuts are lightly toasted. Remove from heat. Stir in 1 tablespoon of the canned green chile peppers; reserve remaining peppers for sauce.

The slivered almonds are what make these 'burritos' unlike any other I've had. And, I have quite a few burrito notches on my bed post, believe me. It adds some surprise texture to a commonly soft meal. Klang likey.

Preparing the chicken. You have two options. Brown some breasts in a buttered skillet until they are dried out and stringy like everyone does OR poach them (see picture) in boiling water for about 8 minutes. I learned how to poach chicken in this cookbook, and find they keep their moisture quite well and don't get all strung out and useless like Tara Reid in the Bahamas.

Here is what also makes the chicken better than everyone else's. A food processor. It shreds the chicken into moist (ew, sorry) and fluffy pieces of goodness rather than square hunks of dry chicken chunks like Qdoba. This small step will make me respect you more on a personal level, so I think you should do it.

2. In a medium bowl (or an amazing Kitchen Aid mixer) stir together cream cheese, the 1 tablespoon milk, and the cumin; add nut mixture and chicken. Stir until combined. Spoon about 3 tablespoons of the chicken mixture onto each tortilla near an edge; roll up. Place filled tortillas, seam side down, in a greased 3-quart rectangular baking dish. Set aside.

3. For sauce, in a medium bowl combine the reserved chile peppers, the soup, sour cream, and the 1 cup milk. Pour evenly over the tortillas in the baking dish. Cover with foil. Bake, uncovered, in a 350 degree oven about 35 minutes or until heated through. Remove foil. Sprinkle enchiladas with cheese and the 2 tablespoons almonds. Return to oven; bake about 5 minutes more or until cheese melts. Makes 6 servings.

Be prepared for people to spray their shorts when they eat this. It's that good.