Almond Danish Swirls: You're welcome, part 9.

Went on a camping vacay in beautiful Brown County State Park last week. Whenever we plan an outdoor adventure like this, I usually have these grandiose ideas about creating an entire menu of treats to bring along on the trip. Inevitably, I end up with hot dogs and granola bars in a cooler filled with beer and a suitcase containing one pair of underwear.*

This was no exception. I promised John I'd make brownies and create Cliff Huxtable-like hoagies for the trip. This never happened.

But, the beauty of this excursion was that it was only an hour or so away. Which meant we were in no hurry to leave. As we sat on the couch going over our itinerary, my personal hero and southern butter goddess, P'owla Dean, came on screen. I love her. Only P'owla can take the healthiest of foods, butter it, batter it, deep fry it and add cheese. No one else does it like her, y'all.

I happened to catch her recipe for Almond Danish Swirls, and just watching her pop one of those creamy lard balls into her little mouth at the end of the show was enough to make me say, 'dun and dun.' I made them while John packed the car, and they were so easy.

These were so incredibly delicious. We ate the entire batch in 24 hours.

*I didn't actually pack just underwear, but I know someone who packed one pair of tighty whities for an entire family vacation. You know who you are. Own it.

6 ounces cream cheese, softened
1 teaspoon almond extract
1/2 cup confectioners' sugar
1/2 cup slivered almonds, chopped fine
2 (8-ounce) cans refrigerated crescent dinner rolls
1 egg white
1 teaspoon water

Glaze
1/2 cup confectioners' sugar
4 teaspoons milk
1/2 teaspoon almond extract

In a small bowl, beat the cream cheese, almond extract, and sugar until fluffy. Fold half of the chopped almonds into the cream cheese mixture. Separate 1 can of dough and assemble into 4 rectangles. Firmly press the perforations to seal. Press or roll each piece of dough to form a 7 by 4-inch rectangle, and spread each with about 2 tablespoons of the cream cheese filling to within 1/4-inch of the edges. Starting at the short end, roll each rectangle tightly into a cylinder. Repeat with the other can of dough and remaining filling. Place on a plate, cover with plastic wrap, and chill until firm, about 30 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees while the rolls are chilling.

Remove from the refrigerator and cut each roll into 4 slices. Place 1/2-inch apart on ungreased baking sheets. In a small bowl, combine the egg white with 1 teaspoon water. Brush over the swirls. Sprinkle with the remaining chopped almonds. Bake for 18 to 20 minutes, until light brown.

While the swirls are baking, combine the glaze ingredients in a small bowl. Cool the swirls for 3 minutes on wire racks placed over a sheet of waxed paper. Drizzle the icing over the warm swirls.

Precious!!!!!

For Pete's sake. Call the marriage off. We're dun.

If you know me, you know that I lose everything. When I graduated from high school, my friends bought me one of those janitor keychains that clip to your side and has a retractable cord. This way, I could have my keys attached to my body at all times and still continue to be undesirable to men throughout college. Whether I was sleeping, driving, brushing my teeth, you name it – keys were still findable . They were plastered to my hip. I think the keychain eventually broke, but I didn't lose my keys for at least a year. It didn't matter though – I was busy losing other things. My purse, my cell phone, clothes, jackets, shoes, my virginity.

Time has allowed me to overcome this disease. I no longer lose things.

I misplace them for less than a day.

John would call B.S. on this statement, except for one simple fact. He lost his wedding ring on Friday, therefore making his opinion null and void in the state of Indiana. He was golfing at an outing in Kentucky, and decided to put the sacred sacrament of our holy union in his pocket for safekeeping. By the end of the day, he realized that ... his precious was gone.

He called on his way home from the tourney, and delicately mentioned he hit a 30 yard putt and
his wedding ring was lost forever. Thankfully, he asked one of the greenskeepers to keep an eye out for a small, white gold ring on the 18-hole golf course. I'm sure they'll find it.

Although I spared him the guilt trip initially, it is now the greatest weapon in my satchel. Throughout the evening, I dropped, 'and you lost your wedding ring' at least a dozen times into conversation.

Happy seven month anniversary. That is all.

Keeping Diabetes Alive Since 1965

We crave sustenance!


Once it hits your lips ...





It's time to put a little chunk in your swagger.

If you live in the great city of Indianapolis, you're probably familiar with a little thing we like to call the Strawberry Festival. Once a year, thousands of people make the lunchtime pilgrimage to Monument Circle and celebrate diabetes and strawberries. I love diabetes, so I'm in. If you need more persuasion, I'm sure this rousing video of Dick Lugar is just what the doctor order to get your ass down to the Circle and lather your body in vats of stewed strawberry chunks.

I look forward to this event every year, mostly because it's fun to watch little kids eat strawberry shortcake the same way I do – like a filthy little hog. Two years ago, I waited in line for almost an hour to get my little mound of heaven, and when I finally had the chance to take a bite, I spilled the entire thing down the front of my shirt. Because that's what I do. I spill things.

To be honest, I really don't even eat the strawberries – I use my fork to push aside the only healthy thing in the damn dessert and suck down the ice cream, whipped topping and shortcake that's been saturated in strawberry juices.

Happy hogging!